Drawing Maps on a White Board.

I am at the baby house typing this as I end my shift. This is another one of those where I can’t figure out how to start. I have nothing profound or cute or exciting to start it off. So I guess I’ll just start typing….

Last week we worked four nights, exhausting. Two of our babies got adopted at the beginning of the week. As excited as we are that they got a family and we know it part of God’s plan, it still feels as if our babies are missing. No one can smile up with the same big eyes as our “Queen.” (Queen isn’t her name, it is a nickname. We aren’t allowed to use real names.) No one can make the same crazy faces as our “Manny”. On night shift we put out bottles and make milk. We have 10 less bottles to put out. It makes my heart frown, but then it smiles to remember that they are with “Forever Families” who are enjoying their smiles and crazy faces. It’s definitely bittersweet.

As I think about how I feel with two babies getting adopted and leaving I can’t help but wonder how I will feel when I leave. In a week and 2 days, will I be happy to go home? Will I be heartbroken to leave these babies who I love with everything in me? Will I cry for joy at the fact that these babies are taken care of and loved? Will I cry in sorrow because I may never see any of them again? I think it will probably be all of it.

I feel like there is so much more to write. I’ve wanted to write since Thursday, but I just can’t figure out how to word everything so I wait. The longer I wait the more there is to say. It’s a vicious cycle. Now that I have started this will be a long blog.

We’ve been watching Louie Giglio again. This series is called Tattoo. I know that I always talk about how much I love each series, but this one is definitely one of my favorites. It’s all about the mark of Christ and being true Christian. It is so good and truthful. He talked about how we should be holy because God is holy (Leviticus 19:1-2). He also used a section from Philippians about shining like stars in a perverse generation. In that section it also talks about being blameless and pure (holiness). I recently read Philippians and that was one of the verses that stayed with me. He said that as Christians we need to get out of the gray area. We need declare what we are about. We are either for the world or for God. How crazy would that be though? Think about it. If everyone just told people, “Hi my name is so-and-so and I believe in God’s holiness. I stand for truth, justice, mercy, etc, etc.” or “Hi my name is so-and-so and I don’t believe in God holiness. I stand for darkness, worldly pleasure, materialistic items, etc, etc.” You would know exactly where everyone stood. You would know who was on your side and who you needed to reach to. In a way it would be awesome. At the same time, it would be very hard to reach out to those who were upfront about not agreeing with you (it already is, isn’t it?). And I feel that it would create more cliques and good guys vs bad guys thought processes. The point of it wasn’t really that you should go around and tell everyone what you believe. Instead, be aware of it yourself. Tell God if we chose to be holy through Him or if we chose to be a part of the world. Then, let your actions show where you stand. If you believe in justice, act justly. If you believe in truth, let the truth show through your words and actions. If you believe in love, love freely and fully. If you believe in Christ, let him save you and be an imitator of him. Know what you stand for and live it.

Yesterday, we got three new babies. One was a toddler, so he went straight to the toddler house. The other two were put through the “Hole in Wall” and brought to our baby house. They are both adorable. One is about a day old, well two days now, and weighs about 3 lbs. He was a preemie. He is adorable and so tiny. The other is about 3 days, 4 now, and much bigger! Beth brought the second baby around 8:00 last night. When she arrived she told Kathrine (a second time volunteer) that the baby was hers. She got to name it. Kathrine cried, so of course we all cried. That’s what happens when you have a house full of women taking care of babies. Haha. Anyway, Beth let all of us hold him and told us that you could tell he was well taken care of. He had new clothes and a new blanket. The mother obviously loves him, but could not keep him. It breaks my heart for that mom. I cannot imagine how she must feel. I want to reach out to the mothers who bring babies here. They need to know that it will be ok. God loves them and is taking care of their babies. Thank God for giving these babies a second chance. He is their Father and protector. He loves them and has great plans for them. Oh, Kathrine just told me what she decided to name the baby! She decided on Josiah, meaning “the Lord saves,” from 2 Kings. I think it fits quite well! (=

God continues to teach me more each day. The aunties that we work with are full of joy and love. Auntie Loyce, the one we work with most often, is so sweet and funny. She loves having fun and laughing. We talk a lot of the night, even though we sometimes have communication problems. I was trying to explain to her where we were all from and she couldn’t understand exactly what I was saying. So, I took a dry erase marker and drew a map on the board in the kitchen. It was a terrible map! Anyone who has seen my drawing skills knows that it probably just confused her more! It was funny, she kept going “Oh!” when she would figure out where we were and where we all came from. Then she said to me at one point, “You don’t have to wear down with working all the time, auntie. It’s ok to rest.” I smiled and said, “Yes, auntie, I know. I will rest later.” And then I thought about it. I think that I need people to tell me that more often! I am what people call an over achiever. I work and do more than is necessary. People say it as if it is a good thing, sometimes I think otherwise. I don’t have to do everything. It will get taken care of if I sit down. Then a voice in my head goes, “But it would get taken care of sooner if you would do it now. Don’t be lazy, Annie. Get over yourself. It needs to get done, so just do it.” I’m not a fan of that voice. But I have learned this summer, especially last night, that if I don’t do it all it will be okay. If I sit down, it will get done. I need rest during the 13 hour shift. And that is okay. It’s a freeing realization, really. Haha. Thank God for teaching me to rest.

This is a long blog, I told you I had a lot to say! I don’t know how I am going to leave these babies, but I am so glad to be going home soon. I can’t wait to see my family, friends, get a Dr. Pepper and a good cheeseburger, drive the parkway, wear shorts, and enjoy my last couple of weeks of summer. I am so blessed to have been here and to still be here for another week. Oh, there goes the little one’s squeal. It will be a happy morning for day shift. Praise God!

"The LORD said to Moses, "Speak to the entire assembly of Israel and say to them: 'Be holy because I, the LORD your God, is holy.'" -Leviticus 19:1-2.

"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life." -Philippians 2:14-16.

"Calling is where our deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." -Fredrick Buechner.

Somewhere Beyond the Sea.

Cape Town is absolutely beautiful. The whole time we were there I was captivated by God's beauty through the water, animals, landscape, people, everything. There is a much more relaxed way of life there compared to the Jo-burg area. Maybe because it's a coastal city. Perhaps that is universal. Every time we were around water the song "Somewhere Beyond the Sea" would pop into my head. It seemed fitting to put it as the title of this blog.

Day 1:

Beth drove us to the airport. I think that is first time that we have spent time with her alone. It was great. She has such joy and peace that radiates from her. She told us all about Cape Town, one of her favorite places in the world, and we got to hear how she ended up at Door of Hope. Hearing everyone's stories is great. It's amazing the way God works things out.

A taxi driver that was set up by the hostel met us at the airport in Cape Town. He was really nice and informative. He drove us to Zebra Crossing, the hostel where we stayed. The hostel was really cool. It was clean, especially compared to most hostels, and the girls running it were very nice and helpful. There were some neat people there from Germany, Chile, and the US.

After getting settled in Susan and I went exploring. We walked down Long Street, the main part of Cape Town, to the V&A Waterfront. We went into some shops and got some really neat things. I am officially done present shopping, which is good considering I don't have much money left! We ate at a cool place by the water for lunch and then an Italian place for dinner.

When we arrived back at Z-Crossing we were met by a group of about 30 US students working with Campus Crusades. They were GREAT! We got along with them really well and it was very encouraging to hear about what other students our age are doing to serve the Lord.

Day 2:

We were planning to hike Table Mountain, but it rained. We ended up walking down to the waterfront again- we know that place like the back of our hands now. We went into some more of the shops and talked to the owners. It was so neat to hear their stories and how long they had been there. They are so proud of their work and it's good for them to feel appreciated. Their work and their personalities are all part of what makes that city beautiful.

Day 3:

We hiked Table Mountain. Wow, big hike. It took about 3 hours. Of course, we stopped every 3 minutes to take pictures. Haha. It was so amazing and totally worth it. All the way up God's creation and beauty drew you in. I couldn't help but think how lucky I was to be there the whole way up. The last stretch was the hardest, and everyone coming down kept giving us different answers as to how much further we had to go. However, reaching the top was well worth it! They city below was gorgeous and you could see over the water for miles and miles (or kilometers and kilometers as they would say in SA). I opened my Bible once we reached the top and came upon Psalm 9. The first two verses were praising God for everything. It was perfect in the moment. God is amazing and He deserves the praise for all of His creation.

After Table Mountain, we drove to Boulder's Beach and saw penguins! That is what I was most excited about the whole trip. I didn't care if we did anything else as long as we saw penguins! It was great. They were all so cute and waddled around and made cute little penguin noises. Aw! Probably the favorite part of my trip.

We met people from literally all over the world while hiking and at Boulder's. There were people from Northern Ireland, Germany, France, Cameroon, North Carolina, Canada, Cape Town, Thailand, and probably more that I can't think of right now.

Upon returning to Z-crossing after penguins, we sat around and talked to the Campus Crusade students. It was awesome to talk to and get to know them. Fellowship with other believers is always needed!

Day three was definitely my favorite day.

Day 4:

We took a tour of Robben Island. It was a good educational experience. It was really interesting and definitely worth it. We took a ferry to the island and the whole time on the boat I kept thinking about how badly I wanted to fish, I know, not really the point of the trip....

We learned about the history of the Island, the way men were treated there, and how they were liberated.

The African prisoners had it worse than everyone else. They got less food, less of an education, and more labor. If anyone in the prison did not meet the wardens standards or got into trouble, they were sentenced to 7-14 days of isolation with only sugar water and bread twice a day.

In the old cells there were testimonies and things donated by the ex-prisoners that made it to the 1995 reunion. There was so much, I cannot really begin to explain it all. The views from Robben Island were fantastic: water, rocks, Cape Town, mountains, and more water.

After the tour we ate seafood on the waterfront. We had Blue Nose, no idea what kind of fish that is, and it was very good. Then we walked around the festival going on down Church Street in honor of Nelson Mandela Day. It was really neat.

After that, we returned to Z-crossing to get ready to go. We packed our stuff, chatted with the Campus Crusaders, said goodbye, and headed toward the airport.

We had a good flight and met a really nice lady from Cape Town who loves God and is excited to see His work in uniting Africa. Stephanie picked us up from the airport and we arrived safely back to our house around 11:00 last night.

The whole time we were there we were asked for money by beggars. Much like any city, but many of the ones there would follow you down the street badgering you. We did give money to a couple of them and bought muffins for one little boy when we felt led. It was sad, but you can't help everyone and you never know who is legit. Hopefully what we gave helped and it was to the right people.

Cape Town was a great experience. God revealed Himself, His plans, and His beauty to me more every day. I was constantly struck by His awesomeness, power, and creation. I love Cape Town. Maybe I'll go back one day? haha. Only God knows...

"I will praise you, Oh Lord, with all of my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, Oh Most High." Psalm 9:1-2

Heart Problems, A Car Wreck, and God's Grace.

This past weekend was, well, tough. Through it all, God revealed himself through mercy and grace. Thursday, Granny, mom's mom, had valve replacement surgery. Being half-way around the world while it was happening was not a good feeling. She came through it with a great attitude and the surgeon said it went "perfectly." Have you ever heard a surgeon use the word "perfectly" referring to surgery? It doesn't happen often. Praise God it happened this time. She is, hopefully, being discharged from the hospital today and will be placed in a rehabilitation center for a couple of weeks. A woman of her age being discharged less than week after major heart surgery is another thing about which to praise God! I am so glad that she is getting through this with a good attitude. She is strong woman and I admire her.

Not being home with weekend was tough. I wanted to be with my family very badly to help and comfort them. God has a plan for me here and I saw that as I worked Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. Those babies need love and this is where I was called to serve this summer. On Saturday I talked to Mom for the first time in a couple of weeks. I cried as we talked for the first time since I found out about Granny's surgery. Crying is needed for healing, I've finally accepted that after 19 years of trying to be strong all of the time. At the end of the talk she prayed that God would reveal himself to me and comfort me during night shift. He definitely answered that prayer. Our big boys were in the best of moods when we arrived that night. They were all giggling and playful. To see their smiles and hear their laughter put joy beyond measure into my heart. I am so thankful for God's faithfulness in the hardest times.

Sunday night I went out with Susan, Emily, and Zoe to eat and watch the final soccer match. We had a lot of fun. It was great to chat and laugh and enjoy each others fellowship after a long week. On the way back our gas light came on and we had to find a gas station. On the search for "petrol" we were talking about God's grace and how He comes through at the craziest times. We found a gas station and I started to turn in. I shouldn't have turned when I did. A car was coming straight towards us and hit the back passenger side of the car. (remember, in SA we drive on the other side, so he hit the left side of the car) We were all shaken up and a little sore and the back door is completely bent in. The amazing thing? We didn't spin or flip, the window didn't break, and no bones were broken. God's grace? I think so. The men in the other car weren't upset with me. The driver made a few phone calls while his brother came over to talk to us and make sure we were all ok. I'm sure I apologized a million times, but he kept reassuring me that it would be ok and all that mattered was that we girls weren't seriously hurt. Emily came outside with me and hugged me. She stood with me while we talked and then prayed before we got back in the car to get gas and leave. Susan stayed with Zoe and got them something to hold on their necks since they got the brunt of the hit. It was rough. I was shaken up and felt terrible for putting my friends in danger. But, God was faithful. His hand was on us the whole time; He never let us go. When we got home that night I noticed the stars. They were beautiful and bright as they radiated His glory. There are reminders of Him everywhere.

You'd think that's it, right? Nope, when I checked my email once I was home I had a message from my dad saying that he was admitted into the hospital for an a-fib in his heart. An a-fib is when the top of your heart beats faster than the rest. Well, then I broke down. This was not ok. Especially not on top of a car wreck an hour before and Granny's surgery 3 days ago! Again, God was faithful. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me an amazing roommate that comforted me. Dad was 100% about an hour later, 6 pm NC time, and was able to go home the next day. I was able to talk to him after he got home. God's grace? I think so.

My aunt sent me a message on facebook yesterday morning. Just a little bit of encouragement and a bible passage. Psalm 34 was exactly what I needed to hear. I have recieved encouragement from friends, family, people in my church, and in south Georgia in the last couple of days, and really all summer. It has been great and so comforting to know that God placed all of these people in my life that are faithful to him and love me.

Basically, I have been more homesick this week than I have been the entire trip. This week, God has revealed himself to me more than he has the entire trip. He will continue revealing himself. Every week, every day I learn more about the gracious God that we serve. I am so thankful that I was given this opportunity to serve him and grow in him.

Something to look forward to, CAPE TOWN!! This Thursday Susan and I are heading to Cape Town to see penguins, the beach, shop, and hike until Saturday. Hooray! We will have so much fun and I'm sure I will blog about it when we return. I cannot wait to see this beautiful place and rest.

Oh, quick update about the baby in the hospital that I watched. I found out that he wasn't actually abandoned. The mother wanted him the whole time, but she didn't have the money to come to the hospital to see/take care of him. If she would've stayed in the hospital she would have lost her job and had no way to provide for the baby. She was supposed to visit on Sunday, but couldn't get there so the social worker just assumed he was abandoned and called DOH. Bad job on the social worker's part for not following up with the mother. However, it turned out for the best because if we would not have sat with him, he would not have been taken care of the way he needed. So, he is now back with a mother who loves him and wants him and is determined to care for him. It helps my heart to hear that. Again, God's plan is amazing and knows what he is doing in everything.

I guess that's all now. Continue to pray for my family, DOH, the aunties and babies, and the other volunteers here. God's grace is sufficient. That's what we all need to remember.

PSALM 34 (NIV)

I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.

My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.

I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.

This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing.

The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.

Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days,

keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.

Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry; the face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all;

he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.

Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned.

The LORD redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

The Heart of God.

I have so much to say, but I'm not sure how to put it into words. I know that whatever I say is only going to scratch the surface of how I feel and what I have learned in the past week...but I'll try...

We started working night shift at the baby house. I actually really like it. It's exhausting being up all night. But, it's more one-on-one time with the babies. Instead of going on a strict schedule we just feed and change the babies as they wake up. We make the bottles for the next day, clean toys, fold laundry, and have some down time. It's nice to be in a more relaxing environment and really give individual attention to the babies.

The cutest thing happened the other night. I don't know if I can explain it right or if anyone else will even realize why it was so cute. It will probably just sound ridiculous... One of our girls always does this thing where she moves her hands and fingers around and just watches them. It's like she is trying to figure out how it all works. I had just fed her and one of the boys. They were laying on a blanket beside one another. The girl started moving her thumb and pointer finger together and then apart, over and over again (like usual). When I looked down again both her and the boy were just staring in amazement at her fingers touching, then moving apart, touching then moving apart, etc etc. I don't know why, but it was the cutest thing. Just watching them try to figure out how it all works with the exact same expression on their faces put a smile on my face.

I found out a couple of nights ago that the baby I watched over at the hospital went back to his mother. It is a good thing because the mom is taking responsibility for her baby and hopefully will be taking care of him. On the other hand, it absolutely breaks my heart. I wanted to be able to see him again and know for sure that he was being taken care of. His mother is the reason that he was sick, she did not care for him the way she should have. It makes me angry and worried. I just keep praying that she is taking good care of him now. Maybe time without her baby made her realize how special and important he is. Hopefully she is taking good care of him and loving him the way she should. That's what I am praying for. I'm also praying that I will not have a selfish heart just because I want him near me. Every baby needs their mom. Everything happens for a reason. My part in his story is complete.

I just finished reading through Hosea. It's great. It gives a clear picture into the heart of God. I mean, one book of 14 chapters can't lay out WHOLE the heart of God, that would be impossible. However, there is so much to learn in those pages. You see God's righteous anger and jealousy. His chosen people that He lead out of Egypt, provided for, fathered, and gave His promises to have turned their backs on Him. They are worshiping idols and giving the grain and wine that He has provided to false gods. They do not acknowledge His ways and the religious system that He created is completely corrupt. It only makes sense that He is angry. Then, there is His love. He is constantly pursuing His fallen people. He does not want to carry out His anger against them. He just wants them back; He wants them to continue to be His. The last chapter is what really blows my mind. Through His prophet, He tells His people that all they have to do is repent, return to the Lord and He will redeem them. That's it, just turn back to God with a humble and repentant heart. It's amazing. Through the New Testament we see that we, as Christians, are now part of the covenant. Because of Christ's sacrifice, we are God's people. His love for us is still that strong. He wants us, every bit of us. No matter what we have done or how far we have turned away and fallen, He just wants us to repent. He wants us to recognize HIM as God and no one/nothing else. I think that is totally do-able. For a people who do not at all deserve any sort of grace, all we have to do is come to Him with a humble and repentant heart, accept God and the relationship he offers. Wow. It's unthinkable, unbelievable. It reminds me of the Louie Giglio (yes, him again) messages that we have been watching. They are actually called "unthinkable." We are made "by God and for God." Not just BY God, but FOR Him. Our life (physically) and our destiny (spiritually) are connected in him. It blows me away.

We now have three nights off. Meaning, real sleep. It will be great, so refreshing! Tonight and tomorrow we are going out with Lindsay and Ferdi before they go visit her family in the states for a few weeks. Wednesday night we are going to an authentic African restaurant with Emily for Susan's birthday. I am so excited! It will be a great week. For now, I just need sleep.

Thank you all for the encouraging comments, emails, facebook messages/comments, etc. It really means a lot to me to have that support, love, and prayer.

She has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil, who lavished on her the silver and gold-- which they used for Baal.....

How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? How can I treat you like Admah? How can I make you like Zeboiim? My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused. I will not carry out my fierce anger, nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim. For I am God, and not man-- the Holy One among you. I will not come in wrath. They will follow the Lord; he will roar like a lion. When he roars, his children will come trembling from the west.....

Return, O Israel, to the Lord your God. Your sins have been your downfall! Take words with you and return to the Lord. Say to him: "Forgive all our sins and receive us graciously, that we may offer the fruit of our lips. Assyria cannot save us; we will not mount war-horses. We will never again say 'Our gods' to what our own hands have made, for in you the fatherless find compassion." "I will heal their waywardness and love them freely, for my anger has turned away from them. I will be like the dew to Israel; he will blossom like a lily. Like a cedar of Lebanon he will send down his roots; his young shoots will grow. His splendor will be like an olive tree, his fragrance like a cedar of Lebanon. Men will dwell again in his shade. He will flourish like the grain. He will blossom like a vine, and his fame will be like the wine from Lebanon. O Ephraim, what more have I to do with idols? I will answer him and care for him. I am like a green pine tree; your fruitfulness comes from me." Who is wise? He will realize these things. Who is discerning? He will understand them. The ways of the Lord are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them.

Hosea 2:8; 11:8-10; 14:1-9 (NIV)

"[Christ] is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him."

Colossians 1:15-16 (NIV)