The Heart of God.

I have so much to say, but I'm not sure how to put it into words. I know that whatever I say is only going to scratch the surface of how I feel and what I have learned in the past week...but I'll try...

We started working night shift at the baby house. I actually really like it. It's exhausting being up all night. But, it's more one-on-one time with the babies. Instead of going on a strict schedule we just feed and change the babies as they wake up. We make the bottles for the next day, clean toys, fold laundry, and have some down time. It's nice to be in a more relaxing environment and really give individual attention to the babies.

The cutest thing happened the other night. I don't know if I can explain it right or if anyone else will even realize why it was so cute. It will probably just sound ridiculous... One of our girls always does this thing where she moves her hands and fingers around and just watches them. It's like she is trying to figure out how it all works. I had just fed her and one of the boys. They were laying on a blanket beside one another. The girl started moving her thumb and pointer finger together and then apart, over and over again (like usual). When I looked down again both her and the boy were just staring in amazement at her fingers touching, then moving apart, touching then moving apart, etc etc. I don't know why, but it was the cutest thing. Just watching them try to figure out how it all works with the exact same expression on their faces put a smile on my face.

I found out a couple of nights ago that the baby I watched over at the hospital went back to his mother. It is a good thing because the mom is taking responsibility for her baby and hopefully will be taking care of him. On the other hand, it absolutely breaks my heart. I wanted to be able to see him again and know for sure that he was being taken care of. His mother is the reason that he was sick, she did not care for him the way she should have. It makes me angry and worried. I just keep praying that she is taking good care of him now. Maybe time without her baby made her realize how special and important he is. Hopefully she is taking good care of him and loving him the way she should. That's what I am praying for. I'm also praying that I will not have a selfish heart just because I want him near me. Every baby needs their mom. Everything happens for a reason. My part in his story is complete.

I just finished reading through Hosea. It's great. It gives a clear picture into the heart of God. I mean, one book of 14 chapters can't lay out WHOLE the heart of God, that would be impossible. However, there is so much to learn in those pages. You see God's righteous anger and jealousy. His chosen people that He lead out of Egypt, provided for, fathered, and gave His promises to have turned their backs on Him. They are worshiping idols and giving the grain and wine that He has provided to false gods. They do not acknowledge His ways and the religious system that He created is completely corrupt. It only makes sense that He is angry. Then, there is His love. He is constantly pursuing His fallen people. He does not want to carry out His anger against them. He just wants them back; He wants them to continue to be His. The last chapter is what really blows my mind. Through His prophet, He tells His people that all they have to do is repent, return to the Lord and He will redeem them. That's it, just turn back to God with a humble and repentant heart. It's amazing. Through the New Testament we see that we, as Christians, are now part of the covenant. Because of Christ's sacrifice, we are God's people. His love for us is still that strong. He wants us, every bit of us. No matter what we have done or how far we have turned away and fallen, He just wants us to repent. He wants us to recognize HIM as God and no one/nothing else. I think that is totally do-able. For a people who do not at all deserve any sort of grace, all we have to do is come to Him with a humble and repentant heart, accept God and the relationship he offers. Wow. It's unthinkable, unbelievable. It reminds me of the Louie Giglio (yes, him again) messages that we have been watching. They are actually called "unthinkable." We are made "by God and for God." Not just BY God, but FOR Him. Our life (physically) and our destiny (spiritually) are connected in him. It blows me away.

We now have three nights off. Meaning, real sleep. It will be great, so refreshing! Tonight and tomorrow we are going out with Lindsay and Ferdi before they go visit her family in the states for a few weeks. Wednesday night we are going to an authentic African restaurant with Emily for Susan's birthday. I am so excited! It will be a great week. For now, I just need sleep.

Thank you all for the encouraging comments, emails, facebook messages/comments, etc. It really means a lot to me to have that support, love, and prayer.

She has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil, who lavished on her the silver and gold-- which they used for Baal.....

How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? How can I treat you like Admah? How can I make you like Zeboiim? My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused. I will not carry out my fierce anger, nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim. For I am God, and not man-- the Holy One among you. I will not come in wrath. They will follow the Lord; he will roar like a lion. When he roars, his children will come trembling from the west.....

Return, O Israel, to the Lord your God. Your sins have been your downfall! Take words with you and return to the Lord. Say to him: "Forgive all our sins and receive us graciously, that we may offer the fruit of our lips. Assyria cannot save us; we will not mount war-horses. We will never again say 'Our gods' to what our own hands have made, for in you the fatherless find compassion." "I will heal their waywardness and love them freely, for my anger has turned away from them. I will be like the dew to Israel; he will blossom like a lily. Like a cedar of Lebanon he will send down his roots; his young shoots will grow. His splendor will be like an olive tree, his fragrance like a cedar of Lebanon. Men will dwell again in his shade. He will flourish like the grain. He will blossom like a vine, and his fame will be like the wine from Lebanon. O Ephraim, what more have I to do with idols? I will answer him and care for him. I am like a green pine tree; your fruitfulness comes from me." Who is wise? He will realize these things. Who is discerning? He will understand them. The ways of the Lord are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them.

Hosea 2:8; 11:8-10; 14:1-9 (NIV)

"[Christ] is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him."

Colossians 1:15-16 (NIV)